Depressing, I know, but at least it conveys a sort of universal anxiety we all (“we all” being the post-modern world) seem to possess. Of course, I would gather that our anxiety over decisions probably stems from the much larger anxiety about our inherent mortality. Add that to the expectation of our parents and the world at large that as privileged, educated children we’re supposed to do something “extraordinary” with our lives, and you’ve got one anxious pup on your hands.

For me, I largely agree with Devon: better to choose some path than no path at all. Also, not so long ago it hit me that no career, family, house, etc. is ever going to be a “perfect” fit, nor is it ever going to fulfill completely the desire of my “ideal” life. But I can choose a career that I like. I can choose whether to be married or not. I can choose to love and be open to life’s possibilities, and accept both the good and the bad that comes with that. The recognition that I do have these choices at all makes me feel lucky, and it makes the “big” decisions (career, grad school, etc) not seem so important anymore. I think the most important choice is how you choose to face life. And that’s going to determine its quality far more than what career path you ultimately choose.

Dean Kagan (Dean of HLS, front runner for Harvard University president’s seat, former Clinton nominee for federal court judiciary, pretty much a big deal) kind of addressed this issue in a lunch I went to the other day, at least in terms of careers. A butchered paraphrase of her remarks: A lot of people come into law school not really knowing what they want to do or not even knowing if they want to do law. And that’s healthy and ok. (And I think this is true of all early twentysomethings.) We have a dread fear of choosing what to do with our lives, not primarily because we think one thing won’t be satisfying, but because we worry about giving up options (i.e. the opportunity cost for you more economically minded, or the unbearable lightness of being for those more philosophically or literarily inclined). We’ve been fortunate enough to have been presented with a plethora of options, and now we just are too scared we’re passing up on the greener pasture. But (and here’s the brutal part) we do have to choose. Because if we don’t, we’ll just end up bouncing along, never truly engaging with our work and our lives. We’ll always have one foot out the door. And if you live your life like that, that’s the greatest waste of all. So what does Dean Kagan suggest? Give it some good reflection, a good long think, but then just go do what you think will be fun and make you most satisfied. And delve into it. And keep doing it until it’s not fun or satisfying. You can always (gasp!) go do something else. And no, you can not go do everything else. Sorry, you’ve only got one life. But wouldn’t you rather spend it really committing yourself wholly and completely to one or two or five different paths than standing at the trailhead kicking dirt? (ok, that was my metaphor, not the Dean’s…which is why it’s not very good)
I do think the Dean is on to something here. I know she kind of makes it sound easier than it really is, but I think particularly given that we’re inclined to overthinking (thinkingover?) things (this blog only being one small sign of that), it’s good to be encouraged to act every once in a while.
And with that, I end my first blog post. I was going to read over it to see if I wanted to rethink or rework through things, but then I decided that would be counter to its spirit. So, as they say in one of the all time great films, The Girl Next Door…I’m just going with it.