I cannot decide if I am a decisive person. 
In fact, lately it has been difficult for me to decide on what decisiveness really is.
The actual definition of decisive is as follows: (http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/decisive)
de‧ci‧sive [di-sahy-siv] –adjective
1. Having the power or quality of deciding; putting an end to controversy; crucial or most important: Your argument was the decisive one.
2. Characterized by or displaying no or little hesitation; resolute; determined: The general was known for his decisive manner.
3. Indisputable; definite: a decisive defeat.
To be a decisive person, one must make decisions with little or no hesitation, and in a way that is indisputable and definite. In other words, permanent. To be a decisive person, one should be determined to make crucial, definite decisions while displaying little or no hesitation.
Seriously?
It is a common occurrence with my friends to be indecisive about simple decisions, such as where to eat dinner or what coffee shop to go to. In many cases, it feels like a mental game of hot potato- the one stuck with making the ultimate decision loses- yet a decision is reached. Once that decision is made, we stick with it and follow though. While the brainstorming and hot-potato portion of the process may take some time, the ultimate decision is definite. It takes time to weigh criteria like menu options, hours of operations and ambiance, the ultimate question of where to eat resolves itself in a definitive way. It is when conclusions are leapt to that we often find ourselves standing outside of Taqua Ria del Sol on a Monday night, facing an unflinching “Closed” sign. A quickly reached decision does not always turn out to be the right one.
When it comes to big decisions, like “What do I want to do with my life,” or even, “what should I do next year,” are we really expected to jump straight to a conclusion, displaying no or little hesitation, just to avoid the brand of indecisive? There are people out there who can say, “I’m going to be a doctor,” when they are in high school and then work for years to follow though. It seems to me that many of us are looking for that kind of determination and definitive plan.
However, more often then not, I have watched as people make these kinds of definitive, “decisive” plans, but leap from plan to plan, prospect to prospect, city to city, without following though on any of them. They decide they want to go back to school, then to a different school, then quit school to pursue a different career, move to a new place, then another in seach of something better that they might be missing. While it is true that their decisions are often made in a fast and resolute manner, they are rarely permanent. Is it possible that this brand of “decisiveness” is just a more spontaneous, less cost efficient way of being indecisive?
Maybe the larger question is, when does careful consideration, pro-con lists and trying on a decision and “wearing it around for awhile” cease to be a positive and noble part of a decision making process and become the negative trait of indecisiveness?
I can’t decide.
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November 27, 2006 at 10:28 pm
devonmerling
Ok, kids, it’s my first time posting on a “blog” ever (in law school, they’re called “blawgs”-hehe, we’re so funny), so go easy on me if it doesn’t work out too well.
Dean Kagan (Dean of HLS, front runner for Harvard University president’s seat, former Clinton nominee for federal court judiciary, pretty much a big deal) kind of addressed this issue in a lunch I went to the other day, at least in terms of careers. A butchered paraphrase of her remarks: A lot of people come into law school not really knowing what they want to do or not even knowing if they want to do law. And that’s healthy and ok. (And I think this is true of all early twentysomethings.) We have a dread fear of choosing what to do with our lives, not primarily because we think one thing won’t be satisfying, but because we worry about giving up options (i.e. the opportunity cost for you more economically minded, or the unbearable lightness of being for those more philosophically or literarily inclined). We’ve been fortunate enough to have been presented with a plethora of options, and now we just are too scared we’re passing up on the greener pasture. But (and here’s the brutal part) we do have to choose. Because if we don’t, we’ll just end up bouncing along, never truly engaging with our work and our lives. We’ll always have one foot out the door. And if you live your life like that, that’s the greatest waste of all. So what does Dean Kagan suggest? Give it some good reflection, a good long think, but then just go do what you think will be fun and make you most satisfied. And delve into it. And keep doing it until it’s not fun or satisfying. You can always (gasp!) go do something else. And no, you can not go do everything else. Sorry, you’ve only got one life. But wouldn’t you rather spend it really committing yourself wholly and completely to one or two or five different paths than standing at the trailhead kicking dirt? (ok, that was my metaphor, not the Dean’s…which is why it’s not very good)
I do think the Dean is on to something here. I know she kind of makes it sound easier than it really is, but I think particularly given that we’re inclined to overthinking (thinkingover?) things (this blog only being one small sign of that), it’s good to be encouraged to act every once in a while.
And with that, I end my first blog post. I was going to read over it to see if I wanted to rethink or rework through things, but then I decided that would be counter to its spirit. So, as they say in one of the all time great films, The Girl Next Door…I’m just going with it.
December 12, 2006 at 11:02 am
Leslie
Yes, this reminds me of The Bell Jar. There’s a passage in it where the narrator talks about all the overwhelming nature of decisions. She’s 19 and says that her life stands like a fig tree where every branch represents a path and every leaf a decision. There’s her as an editor, as a world traveler, as a novelist, etc. And she said that with each decision she’d have to not choose the other. And so instead she sits at the base of the tree watching them all wither away.
Depressing, I know, but at least it conveys a sort of universal anxiety we all (“we all” being the post-modern world) seem to possess. Of course, I would gather that our anxiety over decisions probably stems from the much larger anxiety about our inherent mortality. Add that to the expectation of our parents and the world at large that as privileged, educated children we’re supposed to do something “extraordinary” with our lives, and you’ve got one anxious pup on your hands.
For me, I largely agree with Devon: better to choose some path than no path at all. Also, not so long ago it hit me that no career, family, house, etc. is ever going to be a “perfect” fit, nor is it ever going to fulfill completely the desire of my “ideal” life. But I can choose a career that I like. I can choose whether to be married or not. I can choose to love and be open to life’s possibilities, and accept both the good and the bad that comes with that. The recognition that I do have these choices at all makes me feel lucky, and it makes the “big” decisions (career, grad school, etc) not seem so important anymore. I think the most important choice is how you choose to face life. And that’s going to determine its quality far more than what career path you ultimately choose.